Sunday, May 3, 2009

A Stinky Situation....

Briefing just ended and I left in a patrol car to start the day. I went strait to Durango Park, a large housing development located just south of an old run down neighborhood called Cashion.

I went to this area based on the briefing where we discussed the increasing number of burglaries in Durango Park.

I have already described an area known as Old Town which I called the loathsome epicenter of theft. As bad as Old Town might seem, Cashion is about 10 times worse. Cashion is one square mile of gangs, drugs, shootings, robberies, and homicides. (Also known as one of my favorite places to work, sorry Mom).

To give an example of the mostly corrupt square mile, one time, when doing bike patrol in Cashion, we parked our patrol car in front of a well lit community park. After completing patrol for the night we returned to our patrol car to find a large brick thrown through the back window. The driver’s side window was busted out as well. Upon further examination we determined that some Cashionite (what we call the people of Cashion) attempted to steal the locked computer from the passenger compartment. The Cashioninte trifled through our glove box and paperwork as well. Nothing was taken because they couldn't get into the trunk, but damage was done.

Unfortunately, and unbeknownst to most of the good people of the Durango Park community, the Cashionites tend to trickle into their neighborhood to commit thefts, burglaries, home invasions, and robberies.

I entered Durango Park as I turned south from Durango St onto Whyman Blvd. I immediately noticed a red in color passenger vehicle blow through a stop sign and head south on Whyman Blvd, directly in front of me.

The driver zipped around the corner then floored the gas as he quickly sped to over 65 mph through a school zone in this residential neighborhood. When I finally caught up with the vehicle I was sure that the Cashionite occupant had just committed some kind of theft or burglary.

I lit up the car which slowly came to a stop on the wrong side of the road. I cautiously approached the driver’s side door where the driver appeared extremely nervous and fidgety. I looked in through the vehicle windows and saw construction equipment and copper wire, a sure sign of many burglars.

I contacted the driver and asked for the usual license, registration and insurance. The driver complied but still seemed nervous and was starting to sweat.
I asked for an additional unit and before the driver could give his excuse I told him to remain in the vehicle. I took his credentials back to my car and conducted the usual warrants and driving history check.

When the driver was negative for warrants and had a clean driving history, I completed a citation for the stop sign violation and speed greater than reasonable and prudent. While I scratched the cite, I watched the extremely nervous driver reach around in the car and continually look in the rear view mirror to monitor my actions.

When I completed my citation, I reproached the driver and was overwhelmed with a noxious smell. I looked at the driver and observed an almost foam-like, brown, runny substance oozing from his right leg where his shorts stopped. I looked at the driver’s face which was turning crimson from embarrassment. Apparently he was not nervous; he just had a serious case of the runs!

I almost felt bad as I handed him the speeding ticket to sign and stood a few feet back to avoid the putrid stench.

I could hardly imagine his embarrassment again when I had to retell the complete story in a packed courtroom. Though the judge didn’t buy it, the driver felt justified in speeding to get to the restroom!


Angela said...

Yikes! I'm actually a little surprised he stopped for you. :)

Missy said...

Oh that poor man. That's awful, it's kinda funny too. The universe was definately not with him. Made him look like a nervous criminal so the stop took extra long. Maybe he wasn't a good guy after all. Maybe it was karma.
I hope he deserved it somehow, cuz I don't know that I would follow speed limit in his situation either. I make no guarantees.

Kelly and Megan said...

Hands down, that has to be the most embarassing moment of that man's life!

Rachel said...

That's too funny!

The Wright's said...

I am curious why the guy even considered fighting this ticket in court. I mean, come on, if that were me, I would have gladly paid the ticket and been on my way just to avoid having to ever repeat that story and admit to messing my pants.

I hope you sanitized your hands after taking his license. If you think about it, where do most people keep their wallet...yup same place that foamy stuff was oozing from.

pzierse said...

I know you know what you are doing,but I always worry. The poor guy I know his pain. I have been closer to his situation more than once. Love ya lots Mom


LMAO!!! And I thought I scared the crap out of guys on my stops!! Good one Bro!!
Come join my blog and read some training tips this old FTO has posted, I noticed a few things wrong with your stop! (Sorry but I don't want to see another Brother call an 11-99).

" Take no guff, and pull no slack, HOOK em, BOOK em, and don't look back!! "

Jim said...

Why are pooping stories always great? Love your stories Kel!!!!

Jolene AKA Grandma Carney said...

I think that story S T I N K S !